First love, lost focus, an innocent question

My world collapsed when I lost my focus to a first love. It took a single, innocent question from my father to shatter my obsession and bring me back to myself.

ModernDayKarmaYogi

Before

I was very good at studies. I was the topper in my tuition, and every time the toppers' names were announced, they gave us books. I used to get the books every single time. There was one TV show where they solved multiple choice questions to help students prepare for the CET exam, and I used to answer every question with full enthusiasm. My father used to feel very proud and happy watching me.

Struggle

Around this time, I fell in love for the first time. I used to think about this girl a lot. I wanted to marry her. So I shared my feelings with her, and she said, "What nonsense! Please focus on your studies." I was depressed. I cried silently for many weeks. I couldn't share this suffering with anyone. Suddenly this girl had become my whole world. I couldn't think of anything else. During the last exam in the tuition, the toppers' names were announced. My name wasn't there. Literally every person looked at me in shock, how come I was not in the list. I knew something was wrong with me, but I couldn't do anything.

Turning point

CET exam was a week away. The same TV show was on. Before, I used to answer every question with full enthusiasm. But this time I was just looking at the screen. I honestly didn't know the answer, and I was wondering what had happened to me. Then my father innocently asked me, "Son, you do know the answers to all these questions, right?" He just said that. Nothing else. Suddenly it struck me so hard. I realised I had betrayed my parents' trust.

What helped

That one moment redirected my attention completely. The mind that had been bound for weeks suddenly had a reason larger than itself: my parents, what they had given me, what they expected. I started reading properly. Within a day, I was able to focus again. In one week I prepared seriously for CET.

Outcome

I got a very good rank. Of course, I would have got a much better rank if I hadn't lost focus, but it was enough. I got into the best engineering college in Bangalore. The deeper lesson came years later. Focus is not willpower. Focus is involvement. And involvement collapses the moment the mind binds itself to something outside its scope. My father's innocent question didn't replace one obsession with another. It reattached me to something true. Only then could I see clearly again.